My mother was in a physical rehab facility recovering from hip surgery.  Physically, she was recovering well for one who was 88 years young at the time, but mentally it was hard.  She had dementia / Alzheimer’s.

The most difficult part of each day was when the nurses and aides attempted to get mom out of bed in the morning.  Most days it was a battle, and on a few days the blood curdling screams can be heard through the corridors.

One day as I arrived in the room a new aide had begun her attempt to get mom up.  It was crazy.  It is amazing how the brain short circuits with this disease.  In twenty seconds it went from bad to worse and the aide was in shock.  I quickly and firmly said, “Mom, it’s a beautiful day.  Get out of bed.  Move your legs over and get up.”  Mom moved the covers off, slid her legs over without complaining and the aide helped her out of bed.

The aide looked at me and asked, “How did you do that?”  I replied, “It’s all about relationships.  You must have a relationship with her or it will not work”

Whether we are parenting our children, influencing our older children or grandchildren, or parenting our parents, it all begins with a relationship.   Authority and power can force others to move.  Some resist outwardly.  Others resist on the inside.  It may be years before the resentment is expressed.

It’s amazing.  When you take the time to build a relationship, the resistance is minimal and the results are worth it.