More people are posting pictures of family and friends at Thanksgiving than their food. Why?
… Because our friends and family matter more than the same food everybody else is eating (in the USA) for the day.
The best part of the day for me is the conversations that happen after the meal. Words matter, especially over pecan and buttermilk pie.
Family stories leaving a legacy.
Golf is part of my dad’s legacy. He worked for a large bank and received a golf club membership as one of the perks. It is a famous club that hosted a US Open.
On Saturday morning he would play with a group of bankers. When he came home he would teach me how to play golf in our yard. That is when I began to love the game and learn valuable life lessons that golf teaches. (Be truthful about your score is one of the lessons.)
Golf has been one of the activities I enjoy with my sons and sons-in-law. It is part of our family legacy. It has also become a connection with my dad, their grandfather, whom they have never met.
Last month, the golf club that my dad was part of became a client of one of my son and son-in-law’s golf business. “Hey dad, guess where one of our new client is located….grand dad’s club.”
I think it’s pretty cool. I also know that is part of me telling my parents (dad’s) legacy. It is part of our story.
Tell your stories.
Do you ever feel alone? We all do.
When I think that I am the only one facing a problem, and then I tell someone what I am going through, often they say, “me too ….” And then my problem doesn’t seem as difficult. Someone else knows and shares the weight.
Tell your parents a challenge or problem you are facing. There’s a good chance they have experienced something similar. It is a good way to start a conversation.
Tell your stories. Leave a legacy.
Have you ever spoke with someone and you knew they were not listening to you? They were waiting for you to catch your breath to say what was on their mind.
Don’t be that person.
Since I like to tell stories, I can easily respond in a conversation with a ‘better story’.
Today, listen! Do not tell your story, or opinion, or thoughts. Work hard to let the person you are talking with know that you heard them.
Tell your stories, but not today. Just listen.
Yesterday, one of my grandsons came over for the afternoon. We played a few games and then he asked if we could go fishing.
We picked up our gear, simple cane poles and bread, and walked a few blocks to a quiet fishing spot.
I had forgotten that one of my goals for the day was to tell a family story to someone. When one of the cane poles snapped in half, yes caused by a fish, I remembered a story.
The story was how his mom caught the biggest bass every caught by our family with a loud, broken rod and reel when she was a child. Over the course of the next 15 minutes I talked about a truth behind the story. Don’t complain about what you have…just use what you have…and do what you can. I hope the lesson is remembered for more than fishing. That idea is part of our family legacy.
A note. Sometimes a story is strengthened when other memorable things happen.
During the broken pole adventure, I looked at my grandson’s leg and asked, “What’s that on your leg?” He says, “It’s dirt.” I say, “Wipe it off.” He then wipes it off. I say, “Smell your hands.” He slowly brings his hand to his face and has a horrified look. I say, “Is it poop?” He says, “Yes it is.”
I am going to leave the rest of the conversation to your imagination, but as we walked back home, we practiced how we were going to tell the story to the rest of the family. When all the family gathered for dinner…. the story was epic!
Leave your legacy to the next generation.
Tell a story about your parents today. Craft it to inform, teach or remind. Tell it revealing how you have changed because of their legacy.
After discovering my mom’s dementia and Alzheimer’s, my wife and I moved her into our home. It took a couple of months to downsize her belongings.
The closet on her porch was the last place I cleaned out. Buried on the floor, surrounded by gardening tools, were four large brown cardboard boxes full of newspaper clippings. I had never seen them.
The clippings and photos were mostly from the 1930’s through the 1950’s. Dating, WWII (extensive), civic clubs, family, banking, there was even a picture that looked like the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
I was stunned. No one ever shared these stories….at least to me.
There are several reasons for this blog. I’m still working on the ultimate clarifying theme, but here is what I’m thinking.
I want to write as many stories as I can so that my children and grandchildren know what mattered to me. And I want them to pass these stories (the good ones) to the next generation. I want to leave an intentional legacy that is not left in cardboard boxes or with the thousands of social media pictures that will be deleted when the storage is full.
I want to help you ….. yes you… the reader of this blog…. to have a healthy relationship with your children or your parents. It’s hard. You will need to be intentional. You may need to reconnect. You will need to listen and learn and love and show grace and forgive.
I want to help you leave a good legacy. I want it to be remembered for the next generation. Don’t be silent. Don’t hide your legacy. Tell it!
And I want to help you tell your parents legacy!
This is a parenting tip. Your aroma speaks louder than your words. Your aroma is the tone, expressions, behaviors and attitudes that reflect who you are. They are caught, not taught.
When children are younger they copy. All you have to do is say a bad word and they will repeat it (in front of their teacher) when you least expect it.
Parenting teenagers is tough. However, if the aroma doesn’t match the words, it will be tougher.
Joy, laughter, kindness, fun, grace, forgiveness, value and respect are better tones than being critical, judgmental and harsh. Whatever the tone of your home is … it will fill every room.
There is a power when the words and aroma match. Whether good or bad, your children will become just like you.
Our backyard has nine bougainvillea bushes and vines. Red, yellow and purple blossoms completely cover our fence line. They are beautiful.
For years my kids hated these vines. Sharp thorns scratched their hands and arms when wayward balls and frisbees were swallowed by the bushes. But they have accepted the fact that these thorny blossoms are part of my story.
I have traveled through Central and South America. In every remote, dry and dusty village, even though there are no signs of any foliage, we would often see bougainvilleas. They were resilient. Growing in places where nothing else would grow.
Part of the legacy I want to leave to my children and grandchildren is for them to have resilience. And every time they see a bougainvillea, I hope they think of dad and think of being resilient.
One of my sons planted a tangerine tree in the backyard. He carefully planted, weekly weeded and fertilized regularly.
He did this for months, then years and still no tangerines. We were all wondering why the tree was not producing fruit.
A friend of mine stopped by and looked at the tree. He said, “ Oh, that tree will never produce fruit…..it is not a fruit bearing tree.” I’m thinking why is it even called a tangerine tree.
When my son came home later in the day I tell him the bad news. He walks to the garage, raises the door, grabs the axe and in one blow destroys the fruitless tree. He drags the tree to the street, closes the garage, washes his hands and then goes to do homework.
It was so frustrating. The tree was expected to grow.
That simple story is one that I often tell. It is one of our family legacy stories. It will be passed down to his children one day. And like that tree we are expected to grow; mentally, physically, spiritually, and in relationships.
Keith Albert 