Have you ever spoke with someone and you knew they were not listening to you? They were waiting for you to catch your breath to say what was on their mind.
Don’t be that person.
Since I like to tell stories, I can easily respond in a conversation with a ‘better story’.
Today, listen! Do not tell your story, or opinion, or thoughts. Work hard to let the person you are talking with know that you heard them.
Tell your stories, but not today. Just listen.
One of the fun stories my mom told was about being a switchboard operator.
In the late 1930’s my mom was one of many switchboard operators. If you placed a phone call back then your phone number would light up a switchboard. You would tell the operator what number you wanted and then the operator would plug your line into the line/number you requested. “What number please?”
On occasion, when a boyfriend of one of the switchboard operators called another girl, the call would be mysteriously dropped or routed to a wrong number. My mom was never caught, but she helped keep a few boyfriends in line.
There’s no moral to this story. It is simply part of her story. Though, we all like to listen in.
Telling a story needs to be practiced. Shorter is better than long.
When the story is from your life or family it will be more effective.
Wait for an opportunity, respond to conversation, instead of saying, “Hey, wait till you hear this.” Be patient.
I often drive at least 30 minutes one way to my office. Often I turn off my music or podcast to practice a story out loud. The people in other cars think I am on the phone, but really, I am practicing the timing of saying, “Papa, I’m brave now.”
Tell a story today.
Have you ever written down the character qualities you want to pass on as a legacy to your children and grandchildren? I encourage you to make a list. Start small with five to ten values.
Yesterday, I shared one of my character qualities that I am trying to pass on … to have courage.
You are competing with an unending stream of information and distractions to pass on your values. If you wrap the character quality in a family story, and tell it often, it will be remembered. That’s why I keep pulling out the train set about this time every year. “Papa, I’m brave now!”
As many kids and adults make lists that often get checked twice this time of year, make your own list. Write it down and find the story that will pass your legacy on to the next generation.
Every parent wants their children to be brave. To have courage. It is one of the character qualities you want to leave as a legacy.
When our children were smaller I bought an electric train set and I would bring it out during Christmas. When our first grandson was born I looked forward to the day that he would enjoy the train with me.
Each Christmas I had hopes of enjoying the train with my grandson and every time…. he would cry or run away from the train. Maybe next year.
One year I setup the train track in a circle and I sat in the middle watching the red engine go around and around. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my grandson approaching the train and I began to think that this would be the year we bonded over the train. As he got closer our short haired dachshund started barking and scared my grandson.
He ran into his mother’s arms crying, my wife put the dog outside and I’m thinking … maybe next year.
As I am sitting in the middle of the track with the red engine still going around and around my grandson begins to walk over toward the train again. We are eye level since I am sitting on the floor.
He has big blue eyes with alligator tears streaming down both sides of his pale white cheeks. His lips are still quivering from crying and he walks right over to me.
He says, “Papa, I’m brave now.” “Papa! Papa! I’m brave now”. Then after looking at the train for 30 seconds he ran off to play with other toys. He had conquered the train.
But, I’m still sitting by myself in the middle of the train track. And then I hear a voice deep within my soul, “What about you? Are you brave? Do you have courage?”
That’s one of favorite stories in our family. I hope every time one of us sees a train we are reminded to be brave and to have courage.
Leave your legacy.
Do you find it difficult to have your parents talk about topics other than weather, politics or sports?
Here are a few suggestions. First change the setting. Go outside, take a walk, go to a part of the home that doesn’t have a television in it.
Second, tell them a story that means something to you growing up and ask them their opinion. Ask questions that explores what else might have been happening during that event. Who else was there? How did you feel when I….? How did we overcome that as a family?
Be intentional. Prompt. Listen. Remember the goal is to get them talking.
Tell stories. Help your parents leave their legacy.
Yesterday, one of my grandsons came over for the afternoon. We played a few games and then he asked if we could go fishing.
We picked up our gear, simple cane poles and bread, and walked a few blocks to a quiet fishing spot.
I had forgotten that one of my goals for the day was to tell a family story to someone. When one of the cane poles snapped in half, yes caused by a fish, I remembered a story.
The story was how his mom caught the biggest bass every caught by our family with a loud, broken rod and reel when she was a child. Over the course of the next 15 minutes I talked about a truth behind the story. Don’t complain about what you have…just use what you have…and do what you can. I hope the lesson is remembered for more than fishing. That idea is part of our family legacy.
A note. Sometimes a story is strengthened when other memorable things happen.
During the broken pole adventure, I looked at my grandson’s leg and asked, “What’s that on your leg?” He says, “It’s dirt.” I say, “Wipe it off.” He then wipes it off. I say, “Smell your hands.” He slowly brings his hand to his face and has a horrified look. I say, “Is it poop?” He says, “Yes it is.”
I am going to leave the rest of the conversation to your imagination, but as we walked back home, we practiced how we were going to tell the story to the rest of the family. When all the family gathered for dinner…. the story was epic!
Leave your legacy to the next generation.
Tell a story about your parents today. Craft it to inform, teach or remind. Tell it revealing how you have changed because of their legacy.
My dad was a veteran of the US Army. I never remember him talking about WWII, but when I helped my mom downsize I found boxes of photographs of his life in the war.
He was a master sergeant and in charge of the logistics for his group. They traveled through Europe tracking and shooting down buzz bombs. He photographed every city and country they were stationed.
There were newspaper clippings from his home town in the boxes. My dad was one of four brothers. One of the articles stated that all four son’s of his mom, my grandmother, were serving overseas. The article spoke of my grandmother’s sacrifice, and it also mentioned that all of her daughter-in-laws lived with her while their husbands served.
60 years later my oldest daughter found the house they lived in and took pictures of it. It was for sale and there was a property description attached to a sign in the yard. It also had a red door. Imagine the conversations of a mom waiting for her sons and wives waiting for their husbands that took place behind that red door.
That is part of my legacy. The sacrifices of war for those who waited behind. All four sons returned safely back home. Today we thank and honor our veterans who served our country. Tell their stories of sacrifice.
My mom wrote many notes to her grandchildren. They loved the card and the note, but they could never read it because the writing was in a flowing cursive style. It looked beautiful. Eventually, but the grandkids could never read it.
I told mom that we all loved the card and then I would ask if she would please print. This is not a cursive / print debate. I write notes in cursive, but it was for her grandchildren to enjoy the note themselves without translation.
As far as I know, I never remember a printed note. When our family sees that style of writing today, we often say it is a Mimi note. It is part of my mom’s legacy. She wrote beautiful cursive notes.
But, it is also part of how I am learning to communicate. Not only do I want an attractive style, but I also want to be understood.
Communicate to be understood, regardless of how simple you need to express your thoughts, even if you have to print. Your kids and grandkids will enjoy.
Keith Albert 