Category: Your Legacy

Change the Setting

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Do you find it difficult to have your parents talk about topics other than weather, politics or sports?

Here are a few suggestions. First change the setting. Go outside, take a walk, go to a part of the home that doesn’t have a television in it.

Second, tell them a story that means something to you growing up and ask them their opinion. Ask questions that explores what else might have been happening during that event. Who else was there? How did you feel when I….? How did we overcome that as a family?

Be intentional. Prompt. Listen. Remember the goal is to get them talking.

Tell stories. Help your parents leave their legacy.

An Epic Story

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Yesterday, one of my grandsons came over for the afternoon. We played a few games and then he asked if we could go fishing.

We picked up our gear, simple cane poles and bread, and walked a few blocks to a quiet fishing spot.

I had forgotten that one of my goals for the day was to tell a family story to someone. When one of the cane poles snapped in half, yes caused by a fish, I remembered a story.

The story was how his mom caught the biggest bass every caught by our family with a loud, broken rod and reel when she was a child. Over the course of the next 15 minutes I talked about a truth behind the story. Don’t complain about what you have…just use what you have…and do what you can. I hope the lesson is remembered for more than fishing. That idea is part of our family legacy.

A note. Sometimes a story is strengthened when other memorable things happen.

During the broken pole adventure, I looked at my grandson’s leg and asked, “What’s that on your leg?” He says, “It’s dirt.” I say, “Wipe it off.” He then wipes it off. I say, “Smell your hands.” He slowly brings his hand to his face and has a horrified look. I say, “Is it poop?” He says, “Yes it is.”

I am going to leave the rest of the conversation to your imagination, but as we walked back home, we practiced how we were going to tell the story to the rest of the family. When all the family gathered for dinner…. the story was epic!

Leave your legacy to the next generation.

The House with the Red Door

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My dad was a veteran of the US Army. I never remember him talking about WWII, but when I helped my mom downsize I found boxes of photographs of his life in the war.

He was a master sergeant and in charge of the logistics for his group. They traveled through Europe tracking and shooting down buzz bombs. He photographed every city and country they were stationed.

There were newspaper clippings from his home town in the boxes. My dad was one of four brothers. One of the articles stated that all four son’s of his mom, my grandmother, were serving overseas. The article spoke of my grandmother’s sacrifice, and it also mentioned that all of her daughter-in-laws lived with her while their husbands served.

60 years later my oldest daughter found the house they lived in and took pictures of it. It was for sale and there was a property description attached to a sign in the yard. It also had a red door. Imagine the conversations of a mom waiting for her sons and wives waiting for their husbands that took place behind that red door.

That is part of my legacy. The sacrifices of war for those who waited behind. All four sons returned safely back home. Today we thank and honor our veterans who served our country. Tell their stories of sacrifice.

A Realistic Legacy

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Your children may have different experiences with their grandparents. Some of the experiences may be fun and some more difficult.

My mom is known by my children in different ways. My older girls remember her playing with bows, bracelets and necklaces. Mom was younger and they remember her in more playful ways.

My youngest son remembers my mom as the grandmother with dementia who shared a bathroom with him. Let’s just say those stories are best kept private.

But it doesn’t matter. All of these stories can be crafted into a realistic legacy that is passed along. Someone once said there is a time to laugh and a time to cry. That’s life.

Sometimes I have fun with my younger son by saying, “one day you will be old and standing “naked” in the doorway in front of your adult children. We all laugh and the burden is lessened because we share it together. Tell your stories.

A Hidden Legacy

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After discovering my mom’s dementia and Alzheimer’s, my wife and I moved her into our home. It took a couple of months to downsize her belongings.

The closet on her porch was the last place I cleaned out. Buried on the floor, surrounded by gardening tools, were four large brown cardboard boxes full of newspaper clippings. I had never seen them.

The clippings and photos were mostly from the 1930’s through the 1950’s. Dating, WWII (extensive), civic clubs, family, banking, there was even a picture that looked like the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

I was stunned. No one ever shared these stories….at least to me.

There are several reasons for this blog. I’m still working on the ultimate clarifying theme, but here is what I’m thinking.

I want to write as many stories as I can so that my children and grandchildren know what mattered to me. And I want them to pass these stories (the good ones) to the next generation. I want to leave an intentional legacy that is not left in cardboard boxes or with the thousands of social media pictures that will be deleted when the storage is full.

I want to help you ….. yes you… the reader of this blog…. to have a healthy relationship with your children or your parents. It’s hard. You will need to be intentional. You may need to reconnect. You will need to listen and learn and love and show grace and forgive.

I want to help you leave a good legacy. I want it to be remembered for the next generation. Don’t be silent. Don’t hide your legacy. Tell it!

And I want to help you tell your parents legacy!

Aroma

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This is a parenting tip. Your aroma speaks louder than your words. Your aroma is the tone, expressions, behaviors and attitudes that reflect who you are. They are caught, not taught.

When children are younger they copy. All you have to do is say a bad word and they will repeat it (in front of their teacher) when you least expect it.

Parenting teenagers is tough. However, if the aroma doesn’t match the words, it will be tougher.

Joy, laughter, kindness, fun, grace, forgiveness, value and respect are better tones than being critical, judgmental and harsh. Whatever the tone of your home is … it will fill every room.

There is a power when the words and aroma match. Whether good or bad, your children will become just like you.

Resilience

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Our backyard has nine bougainvillea bushes and vines. Red, yellow and purple blossoms completely cover our fence line. They are beautiful.

For years my kids hated these vines. Sharp thorns scratched their hands and arms when wayward balls and frisbees were swallowed by the bushes. But they have accepted the fact that these thorny blossoms are part of my story.

I have traveled through Central and South America. In every remote, dry and dusty village, even though there are no signs of any foliage, we would often see bougainvilleas. They were resilient. Growing in places where nothing else would grow.

Part of the legacy I want to leave to my children and grandchildren is for them to have resilience. And every time they see a bougainvillea, I hope they think of dad and think of being resilient.

The Tangerine Tree

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One of my sons planted a tangerine tree in the backyard. He carefully planted, weekly weeded and fertilized regularly.

He did this for months, then years and still no tangerines. We were all wondering why the tree was not producing fruit.

A friend of mine stopped by and looked at the tree. He said, “ Oh, that tree will never produce fruit…..it is not a fruit bearing tree.” I’m thinking why is it even called a tangerine tree.

When my son came home later in the day I tell him the bad news. He walks to the garage, raises the door, grabs the axe and in one blow destroys the fruitless tree. He drags the tree to the street, closes the garage, washes his hands and then goes to do homework.

It was so frustrating. The tree was expected to grow.

That simple story is one that I often tell. It is one of our family legacy stories. It will be passed down to his children one day. And like that tree we are expected to grow; mentally, physically, spiritually, and in relationships.

Encouraging Words

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I was a young teenager running down the stairs of my home. My grandmother sat on her rocker and my dad was stretched out on the sofa. He was exhausted from chemotherapy and they were watching the Lawrence Welk Show.

As made it to the bottom of the steps I heard my dad tell my grandmother as I ran outside to play, “He’s a good kid.” I’m sure there were other conversations with my dad, but those are the last words I remember.

Those words were a gift that not everyone receives, but those words are a gift that everyone can give. Maybe the words that your parents or children hear today are the words that they will remember. Encourage them.

Braves Win!

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I stayed up last night to watch the final out of the World Series. Though there were two naps and a shove by my wife to wake up, I saw it live. I’ll pay for this all day.

In 1966 my dad gave me a model car, a Chevrolet Super Sport, that had a transistor radio inside. It was the first year that the Braves played in Atlanta. I would listen to Milo Hamilton and Ernie Johnson Sr call the game. I would put the radio by my pillow and awake with the car radio on my nightstand.

That radio reminds me of baseball, but it especially reminds me of my dad. I have told many stories to my children and grandchildren about listening to games, going to games, but I also tell a few stories of their grandfather and great grandfather.

Baseball is not the one constant in life (Field of Dreams), but stories are. We tell stories and they shape legacies.

The car radio is on the right side of my desk at home. I’m looking at it now and remembering a great legacy.