Do you ever feel alone? We all do.
When I think that I am the only one facing a problem, and then I tell someone what I am going through, often they say, “me too ….” And then my problem doesn’t seem as difficult. Someone else knows and shares the weight.
Tell your parents a challenge or problem you are facing. There’s a good chance they have experienced something similar. It is a good way to start a conversation.
Tell your stories. Leave a legacy.
You have the power to encourage someone today.
Take a genuine interest in others. Talk less about yourself. Ask them what they are working on, or investing their time in, or what they do during their time off.
Don’t respond with what you are doing. Simply take a genuine interest in their story. They will be encouraged.
Leave a legacy of encouragement.
Have you ever spoke with someone and you knew they were not listening to you? They were waiting for you to catch your breath to say what was on their mind.
Don’t be that person.
Since I like to tell stories, I can easily respond in a conversation with a ‘better story’.
Today, listen! Do not tell your story, or opinion, or thoughts. Work hard to let the person you are talking with know that you heard them.
Tell your stories, but not today. Just listen.
One of the fun stories my mom told was about being a switchboard operator.
In the late 1930’s my mom was one of many switchboard operators. If you placed a phone call back then your phone number would light up a switchboard. You would tell the operator what number you wanted and then the operator would plug your line into the line/number you requested. “What number please?”
On occasion, when a boyfriend of one of the switchboard operators called another girl, the call would be mysteriously dropped or routed to a wrong number. My mom was never caught, but she helped keep a few boyfriends in line.
There’s no moral to this story. It is simply part of her story. Though, we all like to listen in.
Don’t assume your children can read your mind. Tell them what you think, believe and value.
If you are in a relationship you have played the dinner guessing game. You know these lines: “Where do you want to go to dinner? “I don’t care, you decide.” “Let’s go Italian.” “No, I don’t want to go there.” “Well, where would you like to go?” “It doesn’t matter, you decide.” And around and around we go.
Have a conversation. Don’t play the guessing game. No one can read your mind.
Leave your legacy.
Telling a story needs to be practiced. Shorter is better than long.
When the story is from your life or family it will be more effective.
Wait for an opportunity, respond to conversation, instead of saying, “Hey, wait till you hear this.” Be patient.
I often drive at least 30 minutes one way to my office. Often I turn off my music or podcast to practice a story out loud. The people in other cars think I am on the phone, but really, I am practicing the timing of saying, “Papa, I’m brave now.”
Tell a story today.
Have you ever written down the character qualities you want to pass on as a legacy to your children and grandchildren? I encourage you to make a list. Start small with five to ten values.
Yesterday, I shared one of my character qualities that I am trying to pass on … to have courage.
You are competing with an unending stream of information and distractions to pass on your values. If you wrap the character quality in a family story, and tell it often, it will be remembered. That’s why I keep pulling out the train set about this time every year. “Papa, I’m brave now!”
As many kids and adults make lists that often get checked twice this time of year, make your own list. Write it down and find the story that will pass your legacy on to the next generation.
Every parent wants their children to be brave. To have courage. It is one of the character qualities you want to leave as a legacy.
When our children were smaller I bought an electric train set and I would bring it out during Christmas. When our first grandson was born I looked forward to the day that he would enjoy the train with me.
Each Christmas I had hopes of enjoying the train with my grandson and every time…. he would cry or run away from the train. Maybe next year.
One year I setup the train track in a circle and I sat in the middle watching the red engine go around and around. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my grandson approaching the train and I began to think that this would be the year we bonded over the train. As he got closer our short haired dachshund started barking and scared my grandson.
He ran into his mother’s arms crying, my wife put the dog outside and I’m thinking … maybe next year.
As I am sitting in the middle of the track with the red engine still going around and around my grandson begins to walk over toward the train again. We are eye level since I am sitting on the floor.
He has big blue eyes with alligator tears streaming down both sides of his pale white cheeks. His lips are still quivering from crying and he walks right over to me.
He says, “Papa, I’m brave now.” “Papa! Papa! I’m brave now”. Then after looking at the train for 30 seconds he ran off to play with other toys. He had conquered the train.
But, I’m still sitting by myself in the middle of the train track. And then I hear a voice deep within my soul, “What about you? Are you brave? Do you have courage?”
That’s one of favorite stories in our family. I hope every time one of us sees a train we are reminded to be brave and to have courage.
Leave your legacy.
Do you find it difficult to have your parents talk about topics other than weather, politics or sports?
Here are a few suggestions. First change the setting. Go outside, take a walk, go to a part of the home that doesn’t have a television in it.
Second, tell them a story that means something to you growing up and ask them their opinion. Ask questions that explores what else might have been happening during that event. Who else was there? How did you feel when I….? How did we overcome that as a family?
Be intentional. Prompt. Listen. Remember the goal is to get them talking.
Tell stories. Help your parents leave their legacy.
Do you know your traits and basic personality? If so, you will have more grace in understanding your parents.
Are you a big picture person? If so, you may have difficulty understanding someone who is a detailed person. You may think the detailed person needs to chill out or not worry. They can’t stop it. That is how they are put together. Now we can learn and compensate for others but we all have a default setting on our basic tendencies.
You will not change your parents personality, but you can learn how best to respond to them.
What can you learn about yourself today? What can you learn about your parents today?
Keith Albert 