A Legacy Story from a Check Registry

Daily oversight of my mom’s affairs was required when I discovered she had Dementia / Alzheimer’s. She transitioned first to my home, then assisted living and then memory care. Each time she moved fewer boxes of her belongings were making the trip.

As I was going through a box of her financial records, I discovered old check registries. (Before online banking and apps, most people recorded their checks in a check registry….look it up.)

The registries from the 60’s gave a unique history about the cost of living and how my family spent money. But, the registries from the mid 70’s were sobering. Several of the notes had my name on them.

Uniforms, gas, and cash were some of the entries that she recorded. It was a powerful reminder of how I was provided for as a teenager. Since my dad had passed away, mom carried the load.

As I read through those entries, the challenges and hassles I faced in caring for mom were lessened. The legacy stories were told by check registries. Mom really did do her best to care for me.

As you parent your parents, learn the stories that leave a legacy.

Still a Child at Heart

Last night I watched children walking around our neighborhood collecting candy from a few neighbors, but mostly strangers. What was so interesting is that most of the adults were more dressed up in costumes than their children.

I also watched a football game, my team lost. I also watched a baseball game. When I looked at the score this morning my team lost.

Aren’t we all just little kids at heart, just watching and playing games in the street?

So are your parents and grandparents. They are still kids at heart too. Play some games, have some fun… eat some chocolate.

Communication Styles

My best conversations with my sons have been when we are shoulder to shoulder. We are driving in a car, playing a sport, watching a game or working on a project. They talk more when we are already doing something.

It is different with my daughters. Our best conversations are face to face when we are at breakfast or sitting together with a cup of coffee.

Your dad probably wants you to do something with him shoulder to shoulder and your mom wants a direct conversation.

If you want to communicate better, consider adjusting your style. Regardless, keep having conversations.

Discover Stories

A friend of mine has never told his kids about their great grandparents who started churches throughout a small country. These would be amazing stories!

We all have stories that are unknown or untold. Some of these are inspiring while others are just sad. But they are our stories.

Find them, search for them and craft them to leave a lasting impression for the next generation. We get to edit them.

The sacrifices that brought success will be explained and the sad experiences will teach about hardship and pain.

You will be passing on a great legacy … which is part of your legacy.

Lessons from a Diner

I am having breakfast at a diner.

The first thing I notice is that everybody knows not only the name of the waitress but also each other. Many conversations take place across tables.

We all want to be known. Even those who are quiet like to be given the value of being noticed. I have also been welcomed …hey honey…is that all honey.

Today, my goal is to say the name of everyone I see. No more … hey man … or how it is going … or is that all honey … I am going to say their name.

Hard Decisions

When we discovered that my mom had Dementia / Alzheimer’s, I knew that she should no longer be allowed to drive. It is a safety factor. It will also be an inconvenience factor for me. My mom’s car was an older car and I immediately disconnected some wires under the hood. The next day she called me and said her car would not start. I went over and said I would take it to a mechanic and then removed the car from the parking lot. She didn’t ask how I moved it.

A week later I went over to her place and told the bad news that her car would cost too much to repair. The hard part of this decision was not ”killing mom’s car”, but the cost for me to become an occasional taxi or dispatcher of local transportation.

Parenting your parents requires hard decisions.

A Lie – “You don’t have anything helpful to say.”

Have you ever heard the lie, “You don’t have anything helpful to say.” Or the lie that says, “You are an impostor, you have made too many mistakes so why would anyone listen to you.

I hear these things all the time. They are lies. I have made a lot of mistakes, but I also have learned valued lessons. And it seems like the best stories I have to share are the ones where I have either made a big mistake or everything has gone wrong.

Like last night. I was driving to speak to a small group of guys and I ran over a pallet on the highway, my oil light comes on and when I stop for gas and check the tires the starter barely cranks the engine. I arrive and all I’m thinking is how I forgot to complete two tasks and I did not notify someone of a new procedure. The lie, “Why are you even here, they don’t want to hear what you have to say, you are a mess.”

I spoke to the group and then I told a family story at the end of the meeting. I told how I had personally matured by carrying for my older parent. The story spoke. It meant something to the group.

Despite the day, and the lies I heard in my head, I had something to say. And so do you.

“You Must Be Present To Win”

‘You must be present to win’ is a statement seen at the bottom of many raffle tickets. Most of these are simply a donation to a neighborhood kid who is raising money for his or her school; we don’t even think about actually being present at the drawing. But if the prize is valuable, a new car for example, we will do all we can to be present.

I went to Morris Brandon Elementary School in Atlanta, Georgia. When I was in the second grade I tripped and hit my head on a rock at recess. I was taken to the front office with a temporary bandage until one of my parents could take me to the doctor for a few stiches. And there I sat quietly, waiting for what seemed like eternity. And then I heard footsteps. Next, I saw the black polished shoes, the dark grey charcoal suit…buttoned. A handkerchief decorated the pocket and a grey felt Fedora hat was in hand. All bankers in Atlanta dressed this way. My Father opened the door to the office and took hold of me, and for the first time that day I cried. One of the secretaries said, “Why is he crying now after all that?”

I was crying because I was in the presence of my father, and at that moment I valued his presence more than anything else. Mom’s and daughters, Dad’s and sons….relationships always need cultivating, regardless of your age. “You must be present to win.”

Do Something Today

There is never a day off from being a storyteller. Over time it becomes a part of who we are to encourage and influence the next generation. Speak up today. In the last 24 hours my wife and I have spoken into, friends, peers, grandkids, children and complete strangers. Tell your story and influence the generations.

This is short because I needed to write something today. What do you need to do today?