Tag: Dimensia

A Realistic Legacy

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Your children may have different experiences with their grandparents. Some of the experiences may be fun and some more difficult.

My mom is known by my children in different ways. My older girls remember her playing with bows, bracelets and necklaces. Mom was younger and they remember her in more playful ways.

My youngest son remembers my mom as the grandmother with dementia who shared a bathroom with him. Let’s just say those stories are best kept private.

But it doesn’t matter. All of these stories can be crafted into a realistic legacy that is passed along. Someone once said there is a time to laugh and a time to cry. That’s life.

Sometimes I have fun with my younger son by saying, “one day you will be old and standing “naked” in the doorway in front of your adult children. We all laugh and the burden is lessened because we share it together. Tell your stories.

Aroma

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This is a parenting tip. Your aroma speaks louder than your words. Your aroma is the tone, expressions, behaviors and attitudes that reflect who you are. They are caught, not taught.

When children are younger they copy. All you have to do is say a bad word and they will repeat it (in front of their teacher) when you least expect it.

Parenting teenagers is tough. However, if the aroma doesn’t match the words, it will be tougher.

Joy, laughter, kindness, fun, grace, forgiveness, value and respect are better tones than being critical, judgmental and harsh. Whatever the tone of your home is … it will fill every room.

There is a power when the words and aroma match. Whether good or bad, your children will become just like you.

Full Circle

It Is Your Legacy3 Comments

I have learned a few things about parenting over the last 38 years. 

I use a warmed and soft cloth to bathe skin.  This prevents a chill.  I touch a spoonful of applesauce against closed lips that refuse to eat.  They open for a few bites once the sweet taste relaxes clenched jaws.  I smile and speak calmly when a temper tantrum erupts.  A soft voice helps lessen the anger.  I say sip and swallow when I give medicine.  Dissolved pills on a tongue are unpleasant.  I pull the covers up at night and look into a sleepy and confused face.  I bend down and kiss a forehead as I say, “Goodnight Mom, I’ll see you in the morning.”

As I left the hospital that drizzly night, I was still learning how to parent.  I was learning to parent my mom.  However, though even though I was learning to parent in a new way, what was really changing was my character.  I was the one who was changing, I was becoming a better son.

It’s All About Relationships

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My mother was in a physical rehab facility recovering from hip surgery.  Physically, she was recovering well for one who was 88 years young at the time, but mentally it was hard.  She had dementia / Alzheimer’s.

The most difficult part of each day was when the nurses and aides attempted to get mom out of bed in the morning.  Most days it was a battle, and on a few days the blood curdling screams can be heard through the corridors.

One day as I arrived in the room a new aide had begun her attempt to get mom up.  It was crazy.  It is amazing how the brain short circuits with this disease.  In twenty seconds it went from bad to worse and the aide was in shock.  I quickly and firmly said, “Mom, it’s a beautiful day.  Get out of bed.  Move your legs over and get up.”  Mom moved the covers off, slid her legs over without complaining and the aide helped her out of bed.

The aide looked at me and asked, “How did you do that?”  I replied, “It’s all about relationships.  You must have a relationship with her or it will not work”

Whether we are parenting our children, influencing our older children or grandchildren, or parenting our parents, it all begins with a relationship.   Authority and power can force others to move.  Some resist outwardly.  Others resist on the inside.  It may be years before the resentment is expressed.

It’s amazing.  When you take the time to build a relationship, the resistance is minimal and the results are worth it.