Tag: leave a legacy

Dreams Crushed

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The next few posts tell the story of attempting and endurance triathlon.

In 1989 I watched the Ironman World Championship on television. I had never heard of the race. It was spell-bounding. Just watching the average man and woman competing in a race, fighting to just finish was compelling. Their stories of inspiration came in different sizes, ages and abilities. They were so dramatic that I was in tears cheering for them to make it to the finish line. And for those who just missed it, I ached. Winners – who cares, I want to see who finished the race. When they crossed the finish line, I feel like I crossed the line with them.

An Ironman is a triathlon that consists of a 2.4 mile swim, followed by a 112 mile bike ride, followed by a 26.2 mile run (a marathon). 140.6 miles. The final cut off time is usually 17 hours later.

I was inspired! This was the beginning of my attempt to compete in an Ironman. I signed up for shorter sprint triathlons and had a plan to progress. And then as many of you have experienced, life gets in the way of our dreams.

Two painful knees stopped the running and then child number three and four came along and changed my priorities. The dream vanished ….crushed like cheerios in a minivan.

And then it was over ….

Tell the stories of dreams that are crushed. There is always more to the story. It’s your legacy.

Practice Your Stories

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Practice telling your stories. If you want to tell a story that people remember…..practice.

When I speak to others there is a general pathway that my stories take. I tell the basic facts or thought, but afterwards, I usually say to myself….”you could have told that story better”.

Last week I practiced a story. Instead of listening to a podcast or music, I repeated a story out loud while driving to the office. The key words were changed, an appropriate pause was included, and the timing was adjusted.

I gave a brief report in front of 75 people. I began with a family celebration that included one picture. I then said, “What could be better …. (Pause) … completing your open health enrollment and performance review by Friday.” Everyone laughed….then a few more laughed once they understood the line. Then I said slowly, “With open enrollment …… you keep your health benefits ….. and with performance reviews you keep ……. (Most said out loud- your job, but I continued)… the process going to help your supervisor complete their part of the review.”

Everyone laughed hard and the point was made.

I found out that one of the major staff Christmas parties replayed my brief comments (2 minutes).

Why was it effective? I practiced …. I spoke clearly and simply …. I also had an appropriate pause.

Leave your legacy one practice story at a time.

Wearing a Tie

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On most days I wear dark jeans and a button down shirt that is untucked. That’s my style. I’m not trying to dress young, but I am trying hard to not dress old.

At my desk at home, a converted closet, I have one picture with my mom and one picture with my dad.

In both of the pictures I am wearing a tie. I’ve never noticed that until today. The one with my dad was taken when I was 8 at a photo booth in an airport. Four small pictures on top of each other.

The photo with my mom was taken 20 years ago, outside by purple bougainvilleas.

You will probably have to get married or die for me to wear a tie, though anniversary dinners are included.

And each time I wear a tie I am reminded that I like it, not because it is right or wrong but it is part of our story.

“Honey, put on your redress, we’re going out tonight!”

Leaving your legacy for the next generation.

One Blade of Grass at a Time

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Azaleas and dogwoods graced the landscape of my childhood homes. In the spring time the colors were breathtaking.

One of my regular chores as a teenager was weeding the flower beds. I learned how to get the roots out and always felt pride when the job was done.

When I became a homeowner I tried to keep up the tradition. And …like my mom … I have made our kids take their turn with the lawnmower and edger.

When one of my sons moved into his first home, one of the first things he bought was a lawnmower. “Dad, I just love the smell of fresh cut grass.”

Leaving a legacy for the next generation … one blade of grass at a time.

Pecans

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When I eat roasted pecans, lightly coated in butter and salt, I think of my mom.

During the holidays she would make them for me. I make them now and I think of mom.

My kids and grandkids think the pecans are the best thing they have ever eaten. And then I tell them how mom made them.

Leaving a legacy … one pecan at a time.

You are always Interviewing

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‘You are always interviewing’ and ‘Don’t burn any bridges’ have been a few sayings I would speak to my kids when they were younger.

Working hard and building relationships are character qualities for a healthy life. Speak these truths into your children, live them out in your life and tell your personal stories.

Then one day you will hear, “Hey dad, didn’t you always say……”

Speak truth, live it out and leave your legacy.

Don’t Be That Person

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Have you ever spoke with someone and you knew they were not listening to you? They were waiting for you to catch your breath to say what was on their mind.

Don’t be that person.

Since I like to tell stories, I can easily respond in a conversation with a ‘better story’.

Today, listen! Do not tell your story, or opinion, or thoughts. Work hard to let the person you are talking with know that you heard them.

Tell your stories, but not today. Just listen.

An Epic Story

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Yesterday, one of my grandsons came over for the afternoon. We played a few games and then he asked if we could go fishing.

We picked up our gear, simple cane poles and bread, and walked a few blocks to a quiet fishing spot.

I had forgotten that one of my goals for the day was to tell a family story to someone. When one of the cane poles snapped in half, yes caused by a fish, I remembered a story.

The story was how his mom caught the biggest bass every caught by our family with a loud, broken rod and reel when she was a child. Over the course of the next 15 minutes I talked about a truth behind the story. Don’t complain about what you have…just use what you have…and do what you can. I hope the lesson is remembered for more than fishing. That idea is part of our family legacy.

A note. Sometimes a story is strengthened when other memorable things happen.

During the broken pole adventure, I looked at my grandson’s leg and asked, “What’s that on your leg?” He says, “It’s dirt.” I say, “Wipe it off.” He then wipes it off. I say, “Smell your hands.” He slowly brings his hand to his face and has a horrified look. I say, “Is it poop?” He says, “Yes it is.”

I am going to leave the rest of the conversation to your imagination, but as we walked back home, we practiced how we were going to tell the story to the rest of the family. When all the family gathered for dinner…. the story was epic!

Leave your legacy to the next generation.

Aroma

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This is a parenting tip. Your aroma speaks louder than your words. Your aroma is the tone, expressions, behaviors and attitudes that reflect who you are. They are caught, not taught.

When children are younger they copy. All you have to do is say a bad word and they will repeat it (in front of their teacher) when you least expect it.

Parenting teenagers is tough. However, if the aroma doesn’t match the words, it will be tougher.

Joy, laughter, kindness, fun, grace, forgiveness, value and respect are better tones than being critical, judgmental and harsh. Whatever the tone of your home is … it will fill every room.

There is a power when the words and aroma match. Whether good or bad, your children will become just like you.

Resilience

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Our backyard has nine bougainvillea bushes and vines. Red, yellow and purple blossoms completely cover our fence line. They are beautiful.

For years my kids hated these vines. Sharp thorns scratched their hands and arms when wayward balls and frisbees were swallowed by the bushes. But they have accepted the fact that these thorny blossoms are part of my story.

I have traveled through Central and South America. In every remote, dry and dusty village, even though there are no signs of any foliage, we would often see bougainvilleas. They were resilient. Growing in places where nothing else would grow.

Part of the legacy I want to leave to my children and grandchildren is for them to have resilience. And every time they see a bougainvillea, I hope they think of dad and think of being resilient.