Tag: legacy

A Hidden Legacy

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After discovering my mom’s dementia and Alzheimer’s, my wife and I moved her into our home. It took a couple of months to downsize her belongings.

The closet on her porch was the last place I cleaned out. Buried on the floor, surrounded by gardening tools, were four large brown cardboard boxes full of newspaper clippings. I had never seen them.

The clippings and photos were mostly from the 1930’s through the 1950’s. Dating, WWII (extensive), civic clubs, family, banking, there was even a picture that looked like the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

I was stunned. No one ever shared these stories….at least to me.

There are several reasons for this blog. I’m still working on the ultimate clarifying theme, but here is what I’m thinking.

I want to write as many stories as I can so that my children and grandchildren know what mattered to me. And I want them to pass these stories (the good ones) to the next generation. I want to leave an intentional legacy that is not left in cardboard boxes or with the thousands of social media pictures that will be deleted when the storage is full.

I want to help you ….. yes you… the reader of this blog…. to have a healthy relationship with your children or your parents. It’s hard. You will need to be intentional. You may need to reconnect. You will need to listen and learn and love and show grace and forgive.

I want to help you leave a good legacy. I want it to be remembered for the next generation. Don’t be silent. Don’t hide your legacy. Tell it!

And I want to help you tell your parents legacy!

Aroma

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This is a parenting tip. Your aroma speaks louder than your words. Your aroma is the tone, expressions, behaviors and attitudes that reflect who you are. They are caught, not taught.

When children are younger they copy. All you have to do is say a bad word and they will repeat it (in front of their teacher) when you least expect it.

Parenting teenagers is tough. However, if the aroma doesn’t match the words, it will be tougher.

Joy, laughter, kindness, fun, grace, forgiveness, value and respect are better tones than being critical, judgmental and harsh. Whatever the tone of your home is … it will fill every room.

There is a power when the words and aroma match. Whether good or bad, your children will become just like you.

Resilience

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Our backyard has nine bougainvillea bushes and vines. Red, yellow and purple blossoms completely cover our fence line. They are beautiful.

For years my kids hated these vines. Sharp thorns scratched their hands and arms when wayward balls and frisbees were swallowed by the bushes. But they have accepted the fact that these thorny blossoms are part of my story.

I have traveled through Central and South America. In every remote, dry and dusty village, even though there are no signs of any foliage, we would often see bougainvilleas. They were resilient. Growing in places where nothing else would grow.

Part of the legacy I want to leave to my children and grandchildren is for them to have resilience. And every time they see a bougainvillea, I hope they think of dad and think of being resilient.

The Tangerine Tree

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One of my sons planted a tangerine tree in the backyard. He carefully planted, weekly weeded and fertilized regularly.

He did this for months, then years and still no tangerines. We were all wondering why the tree was not producing fruit.

A friend of mine stopped by and looked at the tree. He said, “ Oh, that tree will never produce fruit…..it is not a fruit bearing tree.” I’m thinking why is it even called a tangerine tree.

When my son came home later in the day I tell him the bad news. He walks to the garage, raises the door, grabs the axe and in one blow destroys the fruitless tree. He drags the tree to the street, closes the garage, washes his hands and then goes to do homework.

It was so frustrating. The tree was expected to grow.

That simple story is one that I often tell. It is one of our family legacy stories. It will be passed down to his children one day. And like that tree we are expected to grow; mentally, physically, spiritually, and in relationships.

Encouraging Words

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I was a young teenager running down the stairs of my home. My grandmother sat on her rocker and my dad was stretched out on the sofa. He was exhausted from chemotherapy and they were watching the Lawrence Welk Show.

As made it to the bottom of the steps I heard my dad tell my grandmother as I ran outside to play, “He’s a good kid.” I’m sure there were other conversations with my dad, but those are the last words I remember.

Those words were a gift that not everyone receives, but those words are a gift that everyone can give. Maybe the words that your parents or children hear today are the words that they will remember. Encourage them.

Braves Win!

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I stayed up last night to watch the final out of the World Series. Though there were two naps and a shove by my wife to wake up, I saw it live. I’ll pay for this all day.

In 1966 my dad gave me a model car, a Chevrolet Super Sport, that had a transistor radio inside. It was the first year that the Braves played in Atlanta. I would listen to Milo Hamilton and Ernie Johnson Sr call the game. I would put the radio by my pillow and awake with the car radio on my nightstand.

That radio reminds me of baseball, but it especially reminds me of my dad. I have told many stories to my children and grandchildren about listening to games, going to games, but I also tell a few stories of their grandfather and great grandfather.

Baseball is not the one constant in life (Field of Dreams), but stories are. We tell stories and they shape legacies.

The car radio is on the right side of my desk at home. I’m looking at it now and remembering a great legacy.

Still a Child at Heart

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Last night I watched children walking around our neighborhood collecting candy from a few neighbors, but mostly strangers. What was so interesting is that most of the adults were more dressed up in costumes than their children.

I also watched a football game, my team lost. I also watched a baseball game. When I looked at the score this morning my team lost.

Aren’t we all just little kids at heart, just watching and playing games in the street?

So are your parents and grandparents. They are still kids at heart too. Play some games, have some fun… eat some chocolate.

Communication Styles

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My best conversations with my sons have been when we are shoulder to shoulder. We are driving in a car, playing a sport, watching a game or working on a project. They talk more when we are already doing something.

It is different with my daughters. Our best conversations are face to face when we are at breakfast or sitting together with a cup of coffee.

Your dad probably wants you to do something with him shoulder to shoulder and your mom wants a direct conversation.

If you want to communicate better, consider adjusting your style. Regardless, keep having conversations.

Discover Stories

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A friend of mine has never told his kids about their great grandparents who started churches throughout a small country. These would be amazing stories!

We all have stories that are unknown or untold. Some of these are inspiring while others are just sad. But they are our stories.

Find them, search for them and craft them to leave a lasting impression for the next generation. We get to edit them.

The sacrifices that brought success will be explained and the sad experiences will teach about hardship and pain.

You will be passing on a great legacy … which is part of your legacy.