Tag: Parenting Parents

Mug or Cup?

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Do you want a cup or a mug?

That was the question I often heard when ‘company’ came to our home. That’s another name for friends or family. When company came over the carpet was vacuumed with those triangle designs and coffee was made.

We just put out our Christmas mugs, but I like to reach in the back of the cabinet for a cup. I think they hold the heat better, but there may be another reason I like them.

This morning I used the first cup of the season. As I held it for one last sip, there was no coffee left, but there were the few drops swishing around the bottom. That’s when I thought of my mom.

Growing up, every time I saw a coffee cup it had those few drops at the bottom and there was red lipstick slightly smeared on the edge of the cup. Mom’s trademark.

Your kids or grandkids know your habits and the marks you leave. Make good marks. Have good habits. Tell good stories. Do new things. Still pursue dreams.

You are leaving a legacy a few drops at a time.

Celebrate

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Everyone likes to be fussed over. Everyone likes to be celebrated.

We have a family milestone today and three generations will gather to celebrate. We are making this a big deal.

The event and celebration will not cost anything, except for a quick meal afterwards. But the biggest cost will be our presence and enthusiastic cheering. Each of our family sees this as a priority.

Our family tries to celebrate the “wins” and milestones of each other.

Leaving our legacy one celebration at a time.

Renew a Relationship

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It is never too late to renew a relationship with your parents.

You will have to take the initiative. Tell a fond memory, ask for forgiveness, tell them you forgive them, but most of all make the effort to connect.

Telling a story will carry the truth, especially the hard truth, that you want to say.

Holding a clinched fist, and the tension it brings, will begin to be released when you make the effort to connect.

Free yourself and tell a new story.

Leaving a legacy for the next generation.

Wearing a Tie

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On most days I wear dark jeans and a button down shirt that is untucked. That’s my style. I’m not trying to dress young, but I am trying hard to not dress old.

At my desk at home, a converted closet, I have one picture with my mom and one picture with my dad.

In both of the pictures I am wearing a tie. I’ve never noticed that until today. The one with my dad was taken when I was 8 at a photo booth in an airport. Four small pictures on top of each other.

The photo with my mom was taken 20 years ago, outside by purple bougainvilleas.

You will probably have to get married or die for me to wear a tie, though anniversary dinners are included.

And each time I wear a tie I am reminded that I like it, not because it is right or wrong but it is part of our story.

“Honey, put on your redress, we’re going out tonight!”

Leaving your legacy for the next generation.

Two Packs

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How do you help others know the healthy changes that your parents have made over the years?

I was visiting some relatives and asked them what they remembered about my mom. They remembered that she smoked two packs of cigarettes a day. I informed them that my mom had given up smoking 35 years ago and that her lungs were clear.

Here’s the point. Unless I told a new story, they would still think she was an active smoker. I had to take the initiative in telling a new story about my mom. Her legacy included making changes in her life for the good.

Helping our parents leave their legacy one story at a time.

Not Alone

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Do you ever feel alone? We all do.

When I think that I am the only one facing a problem, and then I tell someone what I am going through, often they say, “me too ….” And then my problem doesn’t seem as difficult. Someone else knows and shares the weight.

Tell your parents a challenge or problem you are facing. There’s a good chance they have experienced something similar. It is a good way to start a conversation.

Tell your stories. Leave a legacy.

“What number please?”

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One of the fun stories my mom told was about being a switchboard operator.

In the late 1930’s my mom was one of many switchboard operators. If you placed a phone call back then your phone number would light up a switchboard. You would tell the operator what number you wanted and then the operator would plug your line into the line/number you requested. “What number please?”

On occasion, when a boyfriend of one of the switchboard operators called another girl, the call would be mysteriously dropped or routed to a wrong number. My mom was never caught, but she helped keep a few boyfriends in line.

There’s no moral to this story. It is simply part of her story. Though, we all like to listen in.

The Dinner Game

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Don’t assume your children can read your mind. Tell them what you think, believe and value.

If you are in a relationship you have played the dinner guessing game. You know these lines: “Where do you want to go to dinner? “I don’t care, you decide.” “Let’s go Italian.” “No, I don’t want to go there.” “Well, where would you like to go?” “It doesn’t matter, you decide.” And around and around we go.

Have a conversation. Don’t play the guessing game. No one can read your mind.

Leave your legacy.

Papa, I’m Brave Now

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Every parent wants their children to be brave. To have courage. It is one of the character qualities you want to leave as a legacy.

When our children were smaller I bought an electric train set and I would bring it out during Christmas. When our first grandson was born I looked forward to the day that he would enjoy the train with me.

Each Christmas I had hopes of enjoying the train with my grandson and every time…. he would cry or run away from the train. Maybe next year.

One year I setup the train track in a circle and I sat in the middle watching the red engine go around and around. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my grandson approaching the train and I began to think that this would be the year we bonded over the train. As he got closer our short haired dachshund started barking and scared my grandson.

He ran into his mother’s arms crying, my wife put the dog outside and I’m thinking … maybe next year.

As I am sitting in the middle of the track with the red engine still going around and around my grandson begins to walk over toward the train again. We are eye level since I am sitting on the floor.

He has big blue eyes with alligator tears streaming down both sides of his pale white cheeks. His lips are still quivering from crying and he walks right over to me.

He says, “Papa, I’m brave now.” “Papa! Papa! I’m brave now”. Then after looking at the train for 30 seconds he ran off to play with other toys. He had conquered the train.

But, I’m still sitting by myself in the middle of the train track. And then I hear a voice deep within my soul, “What about you? Are you brave? Do you have courage?”

That’s one of favorite stories in our family. I hope every time one of us sees a train we are reminded to be brave and to have courage.

Leave your legacy.

Change the Setting

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Do you find it difficult to have your parents talk about topics other than weather, politics or sports?

Here are a few suggestions. First change the setting. Go outside, take a walk, go to a part of the home that doesn’t have a television in it.

Second, tell them a story that means something to you growing up and ask them their opinion. Ask questions that explores what else might have been happening during that event. Who else was there? How did you feel when I….? How did we overcome that as a family?

Be intentional. Prompt. Listen. Remember the goal is to get them talking.

Tell stories. Help your parents leave their legacy.