Encouraging Words

I was a young teenager running down the stairs of my home. My grandmother sat on her rocker and my dad was stretched out on the sofa. He was exhausted from chemotherapy and they were watching the Lawrence Welk Show.

As made it to the bottom of the steps I heard my dad tell my grandmother as I ran outside to play, “He’s a good kid.” I’m sure there were other conversations with my dad, but those are the last words I remember.

Those words were a gift that not everyone receives, but those words are a gift that everyone can give. Maybe the words that your parents or children hear today are the words that they will remember. Encourage them.

Communication Styles

My best conversations with my sons have been when we are shoulder to shoulder. We are driving in a car, playing a sport, watching a game or working on a project. They talk more when we are already doing something.

It is different with my daughters. Our best conversations are face to face when we are at breakfast or sitting together with a cup of coffee.

Your dad probably wants you to do something with him shoulder to shoulder and your mom wants a direct conversation.

If you want to communicate better, consider adjusting your style. Regardless, keep having conversations.

Discover Stories

A friend of mine has never told his kids about their great grandparents who started churches throughout a small country. These would be amazing stories!

We all have stories that are unknown or untold. Some of these are inspiring while others are just sad. But they are our stories.

Find them, search for them and craft them to leave a lasting impression for the next generation. We get to edit them.

The sacrifices that brought success will be explained and the sad experiences will teach about hardship and pain.

You will be passing on a great legacy … which is part of your legacy.

Lessons from a Diner

I am having breakfast at a diner.

The first thing I notice is that everybody knows not only the name of the waitress but also each other. Many conversations take place across tables.

We all want to be known. Even those who are quiet like to be given the value of being noticed. I have also been welcomed …hey honey…is that all honey.

Today, my goal is to say the name of everyone I see. No more … hey man … or how it is going … or is that all honey … I am going to say their name.

“You Must Be Present To Win”

‘You must be present to win’ is a statement seen at the bottom of many raffle tickets. Most of these are simply a donation to a neighborhood kid who is raising money for his or her school; we don’t even think about actually being present at the drawing. But if the prize is valuable, a new car for example, we will do all we can to be present.

I went to Morris Brandon Elementary School in Atlanta, Georgia. When I was in the second grade I tripped and hit my head on a rock at recess. I was taken to the front office with a temporary bandage until one of my parents could take me to the doctor for a few stiches. And there I sat quietly, waiting for what seemed like eternity. And then I heard footsteps. Next, I saw the black polished shoes, the dark grey charcoal suit…buttoned. A handkerchief decorated the pocket and a grey felt Fedora hat was in hand. All bankers in Atlanta dressed this way. My Father opened the door to the office and took hold of me, and for the first time that day I cried. One of the secretaries said, “Why is he crying now after all that?”

I was crying because I was in the presence of my father, and at that moment I valued his presence more than anything else. Mom’s and daughters, Dad’s and sons….relationships always need cultivating, regardless of your age. “You must be present to win.”

The Second Shadow

During todays early morning walk the sky was clear and the moon was bright. When you walk with the moon above there is a shadow that follows. Since I walk around the neighborhood the shadow moves with me. As I walked around one corner, suddenly a second shadow appeared. Fear gripped me and I jumped. “AAAAHHHH!” And then with a quick turn, I said to myself, “it’s just a shadow.”

For five seconds I was afraid of something that did not exist….someone was following me. In our relationships, especially with our aging parents, we can be afraid of things, or believe things that don’t exist. We think, they don’t really want to talk or there are subjects we should not talk about. Most of the time you just need to prime the pump. Tell them a fond memory you have. Ask questions that are open ended. Tell me how…..? What was it like to….? You may think that they don’t want to talk, but it’s only a second shadow.

Listen and Learn

When I discovered that my mom had dementia – Alzheimer’s disease our family prepared for the transition to bring her into our home. She lived with us for almost two years.

One day Mom said to me, “Something is wrong, but I don’t know what it is.” Tears began to fall and she repeated slower than the first time, “Something is wrong…… and….. I just don’t know what it is.”

Our family had already been working through the logistics, plans, doctors visits, and bathroom remodel …. but those words helped me to slow down and listen to her. I became more aware and sensitive to what she was going through. I began to see mom as a person and not a project. Our relationship began to grow. I began to listen and learn.

Transition Guide

Most of our parenting challenges happened in a transition. Getting into the car. Getting out of the car. Time for school, dinner, bed, etc. You get the point. We have four children and one day I recognized that most of our arguments and tension came when we were transitioning from one thing to another.

When you get older, if your parents are still alive, you will begin to parent your parents. How well you parent them will be a direct result of how well you prepare for many transitions (stages) of decline. If you ignore the transition you will have arguments and disaster, but if you intentionally get in front of the transition you will have a better experience. It will still be hard, but the transition will be smoother.

In large events there is often a countdown clock. The clock lets you know when everything begins. (A bell timer often helped when our children were small.) But here’s the point. Whether there is a clock, a bell, or someone with a loud speaker, there was an intentional effort to prepare someone for the show.

A Pet Porcupine

Yesterday was the anniversary of my mom’s passing. Each year I am more grateful for her life and the sacrifices she made for me while I was younger. However, she was like a pet porcupine walking around the edges of your roof. You love her and know you need to catch her if she jumps, but you also know that it will cost you.

You know these people. They are your friends and family. Learn from them. These stories will teach you who you are, how to grow, and how to be more grateful. Loving someone involves sacrifice.