Tag: Relationship

I’m in Big Trouble

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Do you ever have setbacks? I’m not talking about a bump in the road. I’m talking about your breath is knocked out of you, and your stomach tightens and all you think is I have wasted so much time pursuing something that will not work.

I thought my attempt at the race was over. Here’s what happened.

Two weekends prior to the race I made another smart decision. I went to the actual race site in Clermont to ride the bike course. It was a 38.6 mile loop that had a slight variation after the first lap. I had decided I would do two laps, about 75 miles, which would be the longest ride of my life. I was loaded with Gatorade, water, Gu (energy food), a few other snacks, and off I went. I figured it would take 5 hours.

It took 6 1/2 hours!

At mile 22 I had to walk a big hill and my shoes would not release from the pedal clips. I fell, my chain came off, my cyclometer (measures speed and distance) stopped working, and a semi almost made me into a hood ornament. Plus, I had road rash. At the top of one hill, after straining so hard to time a red light, both of my legs and my feet cramped so badly that I had to hang onto a guardrail, feet still clipped in, so I wouldn’t crash down the hill. I am sure I was an interesting sight for the school children on the bus waiting at the light; a 6’1″, 198 lb man, with an ill-fitting helmet, hanging onto a guardrail, with a bike dangling beneath him.

It took five minutes for my legs to relax as I eventually pulled my feet out of the shoes. After ten minutes, I finally resumed the journey only to get a flat as I passed through the light.

With only a few miles to go, I decided to ride in to the finish. I didn’t care! It wasn’t my bike! As I descended another hill I discovered that you can’t steer a front flat tire very well and I was picking up speed. Since the front tire was flat, the breaks no longer aligned with the rim of the tire. Therefore, no breaks on the front and the back brakes weren’t slowing me down. All I can say is, “God’ s grace is sufficient”.

75 miles… 6 1/2 hours… I was a disaster. I was in big trouble!

I finally made it back to the car. The only thing on my mind was that I am in big trouble. There’s no way I’ll finish the race.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all experienced being in a hopeless situation.

My friend fixed the bike and even improved the gears. My tribe encouraged me to keep going and I bought another cyclometer.

It took a few days to clear my head and come to this conclusion … If I am going to fail, I am going to fail trying. This was my shot!

Your kids will love to hear when you were crushed and either almost failed or failed. They will see that you pursued your dream.

I didn’t know if I would finish the race, but I was going to find out! We all were going to find out.

It is your legacy. Tell the story.

(This is part 7 of attempting an endurance triathlon.)

Who are your Guides?

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Who are your guides? You need one so that you can fulfill your dream. They are part of your legacy.

A friend, a spouse, a mentor, a book, a blog or videos are all part of being a guide. They instruct and encourage. They walk with us. They help pick us up when we stumble.

Tim, a friend of mine, let me borrow one of his bikes. He prepared an old style twelve-speed Olmo bike. The bike was painted and tuned up. I bought cycling shoes and some accessories. I am ready.

The first thing I noticed when I rode was the resistance and noise caused by the wind. It was loud compared to the quiet air-conditioned gym. Anyway, it was summer and now my weekend rides were outside.

I had several guides. The spin instructor, my friend, a book on triathlons and my wife’s encouragement. They provided everything I needed.

Sometimes we search out guides and sometimes the guide finds us. Regardless, you will need them. We need what they have experienced. We need the encouragement. And don’t forget to show your appreciation.

It is your legacy. When you tell your stories to the next generation, include your guides. You can’t do it with out them.

(This is part 6 of attempting an endurance triathlon.)

Practice Telling a Story

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Telling a story needs to be practiced. Shorter is better than long.

When the story is from your life or family it will be more effective.

Wait for an opportunity, respond to conversation, instead of saying, “Hey, wait till you hear this.” Be patient.

I often drive at least 30 minutes one way to my office. Often I turn off my music or podcast to practice a story out loud. The people in other cars think I am on the phone, but really, I am practicing the timing of saying, “Papa, I’m brave now.”

Tell a story today.

An Epic Story

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Yesterday, one of my grandsons came over for the afternoon. We played a few games and then he asked if we could go fishing.

We picked up our gear, simple cane poles and bread, and walked a few blocks to a quiet fishing spot.

I had forgotten that one of my goals for the day was to tell a family story to someone. When one of the cane poles snapped in half, yes caused by a fish, I remembered a story.

The story was how his mom caught the biggest bass every caught by our family with a loud, broken rod and reel when she was a child. Over the course of the next 15 minutes I talked about a truth behind the story. Don’t complain about what you have…just use what you have…and do what you can. I hope the lesson is remembered for more than fishing. That idea is part of our family legacy.

A note. Sometimes a story is strengthened when other memorable things happen.

During the broken pole adventure, I looked at my grandson’s leg and asked, “What’s that on your leg?” He says, “It’s dirt.” I say, “Wipe it off.” He then wipes it off. I say, “Smell your hands.” He slowly brings his hand to his face and has a horrified look. I say, “Is it poop?” He says, “Yes it is.”

I am going to leave the rest of the conversation to your imagination, but as we walked back home, we practiced how we were going to tell the story to the rest of the family. When all the family gathered for dinner…. the story was epic!

Leave your legacy to the next generation.

Communication Styles

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My best conversations with my sons have been when we are shoulder to shoulder. We are driving in a car, playing a sport, watching a game or working on a project. They talk more when we are already doing something.

It is different with my daughters. Our best conversations are face to face when we are at breakfast or sitting together with a cup of coffee.

Your dad probably wants you to do something with him shoulder to shoulder and your mom wants a direct conversation.

If you want to communicate better, consider adjusting your style. Regardless, keep having conversations.

It’s All About Relationships

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My mother was in a physical rehab facility recovering from hip surgery.  Physically, she was recovering well for one who was 88 years young at the time, but mentally it was hard.  She had dementia / Alzheimer’s.

The most difficult part of each day was when the nurses and aides attempted to get mom out of bed in the morning.  Most days it was a battle, and on a few days the blood curdling screams can be heard through the corridors.

One day as I arrived in the room a new aide had begun her attempt to get mom up.  It was crazy.  It is amazing how the brain short circuits with this disease.  In twenty seconds it went from bad to worse and the aide was in shock.  I quickly and firmly said, “Mom, it’s a beautiful day.  Get out of bed.  Move your legs over and get up.”  Mom moved the covers off, slid her legs over without complaining and the aide helped her out of bed.

The aide looked at me and asked, “How did you do that?”  I replied, “It’s all about relationships.  You must have a relationship with her or it will not work”

Whether we are parenting our children, influencing our older children or grandchildren, or parenting our parents, it all begins with a relationship.   Authority and power can force others to move.  Some resist outwardly.  Others resist on the inside.  It may be years before the resentment is expressed.

It’s amazing.  When you take the time to build a relationship, the resistance is minimal and the results are worth it.