‘You are always interviewing’ and ‘Don’t burn any bridges’ have been a few sayings I would speak to my kids when they were younger.
Working hard and building relationships are character qualities for a healthy life. Speak these truths into your children, live them out in your life and tell your personal stories.
Then one day you will hear, “Hey dad, didn’t you always say……”
Speak truth, live it out and leave your legacy.
More people are posting pictures of family and friends at Thanksgiving than their food. Why?
… Because our friends and family matter more than the same food everybody else is eating (in the USA) for the day.
The best part of the day for me is the conversations that happen after the meal. Words matter, especially over pecan and buttermilk pie.
Family stories leaving a legacy.
Golf is part of my dad’s legacy. He worked for a large bank and received a golf club membership as one of the perks. It is a famous club that hosted a US Open.
On Saturday morning he would play with a group of bankers. When he came home he would teach me how to play golf in our yard. That is when I began to love the game and learn valuable life lessons that golf teaches. (Be truthful about your score is one of the lessons.)
Golf has been one of the activities I enjoy with my sons and sons-in-law. It is part of our family legacy. It has also become a connection with my dad, their grandfather, whom they have never met.
Last month, the golf club that my dad was part of became a client of one of my son and son-in-law’s golf business. “Hey dad, guess where one of our new client is located….grand dad’s club.”
I think it’s pretty cool. I also know that is part of me telling my parents (dad’s) legacy. It is part of our story.
Tell your stories.
Do you ever feel alone? We all do.
When I think that I am the only one facing a problem, and then I tell someone what I am going through, often they say, “me too ….” And then my problem doesn’t seem as difficult. Someone else knows and shares the weight.
Tell your parents a challenge or problem you are facing. There’s a good chance they have experienced something similar. It is a good way to start a conversation.
Tell your stories. Leave a legacy.
Have you ever spoke with someone and you knew they were not listening to you? They were waiting for you to catch your breath to say what was on their mind.
Don’t be that person.
Since I like to tell stories, I can easily respond in a conversation with a ‘better story’.
Today, listen! Do not tell your story, or opinion, or thoughts. Work hard to let the person you are talking with know that you heard them.
Tell your stories, but not today. Just listen.
One of the fun stories my mom told was about being a switchboard operator.
In the late 1930’s my mom was one of many switchboard operators. If you placed a phone call back then your phone number would light up a switchboard. You would tell the operator what number you wanted and then the operator would plug your line into the line/number you requested. “What number please?”
On occasion, when a boyfriend of one of the switchboard operators called another girl, the call would be mysteriously dropped or routed to a wrong number. My mom was never caught, but she helped keep a few boyfriends in line.
There’s no moral to this story. It is simply part of her story. Though, we all like to listen in.
Telling a story needs to be practiced. Shorter is better than long.
When the story is from your life or family it will be more effective.
Wait for an opportunity, respond to conversation, instead of saying, “Hey, wait till you hear this.” Be patient.
I often drive at least 30 minutes one way to my office. Often I turn off my music or podcast to practice a story out loud. The people in other cars think I am on the phone, but really, I am practicing the timing of saying, “Papa, I’m brave now.”
Tell a story today.
Have you ever written down the character qualities you want to pass on as a legacy to your children and grandchildren? I encourage you to make a list. Start small with five to ten values.
Yesterday, I shared one of my character qualities that I am trying to pass on … to have courage.
You are competing with an unending stream of information and distractions to pass on your values. If you wrap the character quality in a family story, and tell it often, it will be remembered. That’s why I keep pulling out the train set about this time every year. “Papa, I’m brave now!”
As many kids and adults make lists that often get checked twice this time of year, make your own list. Write it down and find the story that will pass your legacy on to the next generation.
Every parent wants their children to be brave. To have courage. It is one of the character qualities you want to leave as a legacy.
When our children were smaller I bought an electric train set and I would bring it out during Christmas. When our first grandson was born I looked forward to the day that he would enjoy the train with me.
Each Christmas I had hopes of enjoying the train with my grandson and every time…. he would cry or run away from the train. Maybe next year.
One year I setup the train track in a circle and I sat in the middle watching the red engine go around and around. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my grandson approaching the train and I began to think that this would be the year we bonded over the train. As he got closer our short haired dachshund started barking and scared my grandson.
He ran into his mother’s arms crying, my wife put the dog outside and I’m thinking … maybe next year.
As I am sitting in the middle of the track with the red engine still going around and around my grandson begins to walk over toward the train again. We are eye level since I am sitting on the floor.
He has big blue eyes with alligator tears streaming down both sides of his pale white cheeks. His lips are still quivering from crying and he walks right over to me.
He says, “Papa, I’m brave now.” “Papa! Papa! I’m brave now”. Then after looking at the train for 30 seconds he ran off to play with other toys. He had conquered the train.
But, I’m still sitting by myself in the middle of the train track. And then I hear a voice deep within my soul, “What about you? Are you brave? Do you have courage?”
That’s one of favorite stories in our family. I hope every time one of us sees a train we are reminded to be brave and to have courage.
Leave your legacy.
Yesterday, one of my grandsons came over for the afternoon. We played a few games and then he asked if we could go fishing.
We picked up our gear, simple cane poles and bread, and walked a few blocks to a quiet fishing spot.
I had forgotten that one of my goals for the day was to tell a family story to someone. When one of the cane poles snapped in half, yes caused by a fish, I remembered a story.
The story was how his mom caught the biggest bass every caught by our family with a loud, broken rod and reel when she was a child. Over the course of the next 15 minutes I talked about a truth behind the story. Don’t complain about what you have…just use what you have…and do what you can. I hope the lesson is remembered for more than fishing. That idea is part of our family legacy.
A note. Sometimes a story is strengthened when other memorable things happen.
During the broken pole adventure, I looked at my grandson’s leg and asked, “What’s that on your leg?” He says, “It’s dirt.” I say, “Wipe it off.” He then wipes it off. I say, “Smell your hands.” He slowly brings his hand to his face and has a horrified look. I say, “Is it poop?” He says, “Yes it is.”
I am going to leave the rest of the conversation to your imagination, but as we walked back home, we practiced how we were going to tell the story to the rest of the family. When all the family gathered for dinner…. the story was epic!
Leave your legacy to the next generation.
Keith Albert 