Category: Your Legacy

The Tangerine Tree

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One of my sons planted a tangerine tree in the backyard. He carefully planted, weekly weeded and fertilized regularly.

He did this for months, then years and still no tangerines. We were all wondering why the tree was not producing fruit.

A friend of mine stopped by and looked at the tree. He said, “ Oh, that tree will never produce fruit…..it is not a fruit bearing tree.” I’m thinking why is it even called a tangerine tree.

When my son came home later in the day I tell him the bad news. He walks to the garage, raises the door, grabs the axe and in one blow destroys the fruitless tree. He drags the tree to the street, closes the garage, washes his hands and then goes to do homework.

It was so frustrating. The tree was expected to grow.

That simple story is one that I often tell. It is one of our family legacy stories. It will be passed down to his children one day. And like that tree we are expected to grow; mentally, physically, spiritually, and in relationships.

Encouraging Words

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I was a young teenager running down the stairs of my home. My grandmother sat on her rocker and my dad was stretched out on the sofa. He was exhausted from chemotherapy and they were watching the Lawrence Welk Show.

As made it to the bottom of the steps I heard my dad tell my grandmother as I ran outside to play, “He’s a good kid.” I’m sure there were other conversations with my dad, but those are the last words I remember.

Those words were a gift that not everyone receives, but those words are a gift that everyone can give. Maybe the words that your parents or children hear today are the words that they will remember. Encourage them.

Braves Win!

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I stayed up last night to watch the final out of the World Series. Though there were two naps and a shove by my wife to wake up, I saw it live. I’ll pay for this all day.

In 1966 my dad gave me a model car, a Chevrolet Super Sport, that had a transistor radio inside. It was the first year that the Braves played in Atlanta. I would listen to Milo Hamilton and Ernie Johnson Sr call the game. I would put the radio by my pillow and awake with the car radio on my nightstand.

That radio reminds me of baseball, but it especially reminds me of my dad. I have told many stories to my children and grandchildren about listening to games, going to games, but I also tell a few stories of their grandfather and great grandfather.

Baseball is not the one constant in life (Field of Dreams), but stories are. We tell stories and they shape legacies.

The car radio is on the right side of my desk at home. I’m looking at it now and remembering a great legacy.

A Legacy Story from a Check Registry

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Daily oversight of my mom’s affairs was required when I discovered she had Dementia / Alzheimer’s. She transitioned first to my home, then assisted living and then memory care. Each time she moved fewer boxes of her belongings were making the trip.

As I was going through a box of her financial records, I discovered old check registries. (Before online banking and apps, most people recorded their checks in a check registry….look it up.)

The registries from the 60’s gave a unique history about the cost of living and how my family spent money. But, the registries from the mid 70’s were sobering. Several of the notes had my name on them.

Uniforms, gas, and cash were some of the entries that she recorded. It was a powerful reminder of how I was provided for as a teenager. Since my dad had passed away, mom carried the load.

As I read through those entries, the challenges and hassles I faced in caring for mom were lessened. The legacy stories were told by check registries. Mom really did do her best to care for me.

As you parent your parents, learn the stories that leave a legacy.

Still a Child at Heart

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Last night I watched children walking around our neighborhood collecting candy from a few neighbors, but mostly strangers. What was so interesting is that most of the adults were more dressed up in costumes than their children.

I also watched a football game, my team lost. I also watched a baseball game. When I looked at the score this morning my team lost.

Aren’t we all just little kids at heart, just watching and playing games in the street?

So are your parents and grandparents. They are still kids at heart too. Play some games, have some fun… eat some chocolate.

Communication Styles

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My best conversations with my sons have been when we are shoulder to shoulder. We are driving in a car, playing a sport, watching a game or working on a project. They talk more when we are already doing something.

It is different with my daughters. Our best conversations are face to face when we are at breakfast or sitting together with a cup of coffee.

Your dad probably wants you to do something with him shoulder to shoulder and your mom wants a direct conversation.

If you want to communicate better, consider adjusting your style. Regardless, keep having conversations.

Discover Stories

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A friend of mine has never told his kids about their great grandparents who started churches throughout a small country. These would be amazing stories!

We all have stories that are unknown or untold. Some of these are inspiring while others are just sad. But they are our stories.

Find them, search for them and craft them to leave a lasting impression for the next generation. We get to edit them.

The sacrifices that brought success will be explained and the sad experiences will teach about hardship and pain.

You will be passing on a great legacy … which is part of your legacy.

Lessons from a Diner

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I am having breakfast at a diner.

The first thing I notice is that everybody knows not only the name of the waitress but also each other. Many conversations take place across tables.

We all want to be known. Even those who are quiet like to be given the value of being noticed. I have also been welcomed …hey honey…is that all honey.

Today, my goal is to say the name of everyone I see. No more … hey man … or how it is going … or is that all honey … I am going to say their name.

Hard Decisions

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When we discovered that my mom had Dementia / Alzheimer’s, I knew that she should no longer be allowed to drive. It is a safety factor. It will also be an inconvenience factor for me. My mom’s car was an older car and I immediately disconnected some wires under the hood. The next day she called me and said her car would not start. I went over and said I would take it to a mechanic and then removed the car from the parking lot. She didn’t ask how I moved it.

A week later I went over to her place and told the bad news that her car would cost too much to repair. The hard part of this decision was not ”killing mom’s car”, but the cost for me to become an occasional taxi or dispatcher of local transportation.

Parenting your parents requires hard decisions.